It's my birthday, and I'll cry if I want to

Today is my birthday, I find it hard to believe I'm as old as I am. It's stupid to worry about the passing of time, of course I know that, but I do anyway. Achievements left unachieved, accomplishments unaccomplished, you get the picture. There's a marked improvement in one area of this uncharmed life though - I was offered a proper permanent job yesterday, and they've offered me two grand more than I was expecting! I've accepted of course. It's to be seen whether the role will exercise my brain, but really, I'm more excited about having a steady income for the first time in about 3 years!

So why the tears? Well, I may have only myself to blame, being the foolhardy optimist I sometimes am when it comes to 'romance'. I say 'romance' because I have the uncanny ability to mistake physical intimacy for something more meaningful, even when there's been a tacit agreement that we're both in it for the sex. A second encounter with my New Year's Day date yesterday didn't result in the object of my desire falling for my feminine charms and wiles, even though he enjoyed himself (and so did I). I tried to be as candid as possible with him afterwards, and despite myself agreed it would be better not to see him again very soon as, perversely, I feel too much for him, and I know, yes KNOW, he can't reciprocate. Something about chemistry? But what-ho, British stiff upper lip and all that, I let him kiss me goodbye and got off the train. Later this morning, on my way to work on the Central Line, I got very wistful indeed, and started reflecting on my loneliness ("why doesn't he want me?!"), and let more than a couple of tears roll down my made-up face. Don't worry, I have very resilient mascara. By the time the train rolled into Bank Station I had regained my composure and was the paragon of office girl that I usually am in the morning, maybe.

I will try not to get sad again today. Flip's sake, it's my birthday after all and the sun's shining and crazy things are happening, like a whale being spotted in The Thames by the Houses of Parliament (http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,1691203,00.html).